Yesterday was international bereaved Mother's Day and after a day of reflecting, I couldn't help but feel sad and focus on the 3 regrets that I had after Lyla's passing.
1. I wish we would have gotten her heartbeat recorded into a bear. There's a foundation that offers 3D ultrasounds and your baby's heartbeat recorded into a bear, free of charge. I had just contacted one of the people who founded the foundation inquiring about getting one done for Lyla. He took a little while getting back to me because his wife's father had unexpectedly passed away. By the time he got back to me, Lyla had already passed. I wish so much that I had that to listen to now.
2. I had arranged for the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep foundation to come and take professional photos of Lyla after she was born. My assigned photographer (who also did my maternity pictures with her), came to see me in the hospital as I was being induced and I was suppose to call her once Lyla was born. After she was born I called and cancelled and said she didn't have to come. Why did I do that?? I have no idea. I was so emotional and mentally unaware of everything really, that I have no clue why I didn't have her come. I got many photos of her on my own camera, but I so wish I had some professional ones now.
3. I wish we would have argued for Lyla to stay in our room with us overnight. I remember bits and pieces after the delivery and I remember feeling rushed or feeling like people were waiting to take her away. I wish I was more mentally aware of what was going on to be able to say, she's staying with us.
I know I shouldn't focus on regrets, but I couldn't help it yesterday. I will add in a positive... I am thankful that I listened to my instincts and got to see her one last time at the funeral home. It was the most special moment that I will never forget.
Hi Laura. My name is Alexandra. I had my daughter, Hattie, stillborn on Nov. 19th 2012. This is exactly how i feel. Theres things I wish I would have done or done differently. I felt rushed when we were holding her too. The nurse kept coming in constantly asking if we were ready. And it aggravates me now But i was like you, so mentally unaware of everything in that moment. I was really drowsy from all the meds and i was just in shock with everything going on. I wish I could go back and tell them to get out and leave us alone. I felt like this was routine for them so they just wanted to get it over with. We also got pictures but i wish i would have gotten more and had a professional take some. But I do cherish everything we do have with all my heart. Its just hard not to think of the thigs we wish we could change.
ReplyDelete