3 Days Until We Meet Our Boy!

I'm a little behind in updating about this pregnancy with Hawkins. I missed writing about last week's appointment, so I'll just put it all together here. 

Last Monday and Thursday, he failed the BPP's because of not practicing breathing again, and so we had to get on the monitor for the NST. He did great as usual :) I'm getting used to him doing the  same thing every time... He will do everything besides practice breathing, so we end up spending 20 minutes on the monitor, with Harlow hanging out on my belly with me, wanting to be in the know. By hanging out, I mean rolling around, standing up, sitting down, laying down, tapping my belly and playing with the monitors ;) Funny thing, is that her little brother always starts to move around a lot and he has his best heart accelerations while she's 'playing' with him. 

Harlow has gotten so used to these bi-weekly appointments and tests that she starts to help the techs and nurses by getting a tissue to wipe all the gel off of my belly :) 

Last week, Dr. Davis scheduled me for an induction for this week, because today I turned 37 weeks. Unfortunately he won't be the attending doctor in Labor & Delivery until later into September. Which I was so bummed about because I would have loved to have him deliver Hawkins. We got some measurements taken again, and he's still below the 5th%. His head and legs were measuring 3 weeks behind and his abdomen was measuring 7 weeks behind. 

Yesterday was our last appointment and BPP, which made me so sad. Adam got to come to this appointment, so it was really nice to be able to watch the entire ultrasound and BPP without getting drinks and snacks for Harlow. It made for a nice last appointment and last ultrasound. I can't believe the end is finally here and by the end of this week we're going to have another baby! After a month of panic and expecting him to have to be emergency delivered, I suddenly feel like I'm not ready for him to be here, even though I've been 'expecting' him for a month. 

We have to be at UAB at 5pm on Thursday to start the induction. So I'm expecting him to come sometime on Friday, 8/30/13! 

4th Weekly Appointment

Things have definitely made a turn around since last week! One week ago I came home feeling extremely worried and uneasy after watching Hawkins just lay there so still during the entire 30 minute BPP. The following day, Friday, I had felt him once the entire day. I was so close to making the trip to Birmingham to go to the MEU to check on him. Thankfully, he gave me some good movements before falling asleep that night. I kept an eye on his movements over the weekend and with each passing day, they became a little more frequent.

On Monday we went in for just a BPP, in which he passed within the first 10 minutes. That was pretty reassuring. 

I went into today's appointment anxious to talk to the doctor about a few things and also to see if we were going to take his measurements this time. 

The door to the exam room opened, and I prayed it wouldn't be a fellow or someone else who would breeze in and breeze out. I was relieved to see Dr. Davis come in! 

One of the reasons he's my favorite doctor is because he actually sits and takes the time to talk to you. I had briefly seen the nurse practitioner before he came in, and I had explained to her an episode I had last night. The side of my head suddenly hurt so bad and didn't go away for over an hour. During that time I couldn't read anything- I saw words but could not for the life of me put them together to understand what I was reading. My eyesight felt partially gone, and shortly later, the whole right side of my face, hand and arm, went completely numb and felt like it was swelling. Eventually that went away and I took some Tylenol before going to bed early. 

I told the nurse practitioner about this and how I think it was probably just a migraine of some sort but that at the time, it was kind of scary. She brushed it off, called it a migraine and 'completely normal'. When I told Dr. Davis, he agreed that's most likely what it was, but that he didn't like what I described and that if it happend again, I needed to come in right away.  

We also discussed that when I turn 37 weeks, we'll begin talking about delivering him. I'll be 37 weeks in a week and a half- not next appointment but the following one. So it seems like we could have a last week of August baby or a first week of September baby, depending on when we discuss this and how Hawke seems to be doing up until that point. 

We went to get the BPP done and everything looked great, but sadly Hawkins failed his test. He wouldn't do a practice breath... Again. So we were sent over to do the NST which he passed with great heart rhythms and accelerations. I feel like that scenario is the typical one that happens more times than not: everything looks good, but he fails because he won't do a practice breath... we do the NST, which he does great on, then we leave.

One joyous piece of news is that he is now HEAD DOWN!!!!!! If you can't tell my excitement from that, let me say it again: he has moved HEAD DOWN!!! :) I was getting so worked up over him being breech and the possibility of having a c section. That was so far from what I wanted and it was giving me so much anxiety anticipating that, along with everything else. I know it may not seem like a big deal, but this was super important to me and I am absolutely elated and on cloud 9 that I got to leave today's appointment knowing he was head down. Now... If I can just figure out how to ensure he stays that way ;)

Unfortunately we didn't get any measurements of him today, but we will be getting them next Thursday. I am so curious to see how he's grown because his movements feel so much more powerful now, it has me thinking he's grown a ton!! Or it may just be his new positioning and the fact that he is HEAD DOWN now :)

Not So Great Appointment

Earlier this week we had our first bi-weekly BPP done on Tuesday... Hawkins almost failed it because he was doing everything but practicing breathing. And then in the last minute of the test, he did a practice breath :) So he was able to pass. 

Today, we had a BPP as well as a normal visit with a doctor. 

The last few weeks, really since we first got the IUGR diagnosis, I had felt so conflicted and confused regarding the 'severity' of the situation. I felt like the first initial growth scan and diagnosis had me feeling like he'd be coming any day now, however in the appointments since then, everyone has seemed pretty calm and casual as they said 'see you next week' while I walked out the doors and back to my car. I felt like "which one is it... Is he coming right now or do I still have the rest of my pregnancy to go?" 

So on my way to this appointment I didn't think too much about going into my appointment. Hawkins' movement had decreased the past day and a half, so I was anxious to check on him, but wasn't too nervous. I had started getting used to the whole 'watch and wait' mentality it seemed everyone was following. 

I walked into my appointment and got the BPP test first. Now, these tests, have a time allotment of 30 minutes. If they exhibit all the things they're looking for within the first 5 minutes, the test is over and complete. However, if the baby isn't doing something, they have 30 minutes to do it and get a passing grade, otherwise it's marked as failed. 

In the past, Hawkins has either passed right away, or he has failed in the department of not practicing breathing. In which case, we've done an NST to monitor his heart rate and make sure there were some good accelerations. He has always passed those, and we've been in the clear. 

This appointment. Was different. The test began and I noticed how still Hawke was.  Because he was so still, the tech measured his amniotic fluid first, which came in low. We watched and waited while I entertained Harlow and gave her some snacks. I let the tech know that his movement had decreased. She said, "yeah... I haven't seen him move at all yet." She tried to jiggle and push around on my belly to get him to respond. He didn't. She tried this, time and time again, as the 30 minutes wore on. Each time he just layed there- not moving and unresponsive. He also still hadn't taken a practice breath either. After about 20 minutes, she looked worried and said, "he better move soon because he hasn't done a single thing yet. I don't want to have to walk out there and tell them he scored a 2... They'd want to deliver him right now. He's very small and I would hate for him to have to be delivered now." I looked at the screen as the minutes wore on and saw his tiny little body and long legs, laying there in a folded frank breech position, just like his sister Lyla. It also didn't help that he wasn't moving at all but you saw his little heart, strong, beating away. Lyla was always just like that- folded in a frank breech position, strong beating heart, but perfectly still and unmoving. 

I definitely was not expecting this at the appointment today. We continued to watch and wait. We were down to the last 3-4 minutes of the test and she tried to push around on my belly again with the wand to get him to respond. This time, he moved his torso a little bit, as well as his leg. Apparently, that small movement is enough to mark 'pass'. Now... In my book, there's a huge difference between an active baby whose wiggling all around, and one who is unresponsive for 25 minutes, then moves slightly after being jarred around for the 8th time. At the same time he moved, he took a practice breath. 

I walked down the hall and into the exam room while I waited for the doctor. Once again, a new doctor came in, and said, "well, baby seems to look great, he got an 8 on his BPP". After those last 30 minutes, I would hardly say he 'looked great'. So I began to explain to her exactly how that test happened to go. What's difficult is that she sees a passing grade on a piece of paper... And doesn't know exactly how the ultrasound went or how that passing grade came to be. So I tried my best to explain to her what had happened and how that worried me and asked if it was cause for concern. Especially since Hawke had never acted like that before. Every time he has been super responsive (we got a 'kudos for Hawke' at his first BPP for being so responsive). This was extremely uncharacteristic of him and made me worry. 

I guess to ease my mind, she hooked me up for an NST anyway, which of course showed his heart beating away fine. That didn't surprise me, he seemed great in the heart department. Given the 'passing score' of the BPP and the NST checking out fine, I was sent home from my appointment and told 'see you on Monday'. 

Sometimes it's hard fighting for your mommy instincts and getting doctors to 'take a second look' or question something. For now, I'm home and keeping a close eye on him and his movements. 

Hawkins' 2nd Weekly Appointment

Today was our 2nd weekly appointment since getting Hawkins' IUGR diagnosis. Last appointment we didn't get any measurements and I was all over the place with my emotions for some reason. Emotionally, this appointment went 10x better than the last. I saw my regular doctor thank goodness, and she always puts all my fears at ease. 

The ultrasound today was to get some more measurements, check the blood flow through the umbilical cord, check on his movement and do the biophysical profile. His head and legs are measuring 2 weeks behind (previously they were measuring just 1 week behind). And his abdomen is measuring 4 weeks behind (previously that was measuring 5 weeks behind). His weight estimate is 3lb7oz, and he went from being in the 6% to the <5%. So it's a little confusing- he has grown since 2 weeks prior (yay!), but also dropped below the 5th percentile. 

His movement was great on the ultrasound, but he failed his BPP test and wasn't practicing his breathing. We waited for 30 minutes for him to take a breath but he never did. Because of that, we got a non-stress test, which turned out great and he had some good heart accelerations. So all in all, it was a good appointment. We got no new news, he has grown since 2 weeks ago, and still seems pretty happy in there. 

However, because of his stats and dropping below the 5th percentile, my doctor has now ordered me to get BPP's twice a week. So I will be going every Tuesday and Thursday for an ultrasound/BPP. I believe they won't take measurements again for possibly 3 weeks. Which puts me at 36 weeks! 

I have felt a little out of the loop or confused about everything. It seemed like 2 weeks ago, things were moving fast- we got the IUGR diagnosis, he failed his BPP, I got 2 steroid shots for his lungs and was under the impression I would be delivering him within the next couple weeks. I had a week of frantically trying to prepare the house and gather some of the essentials we may need right away. I did so much research and was mentally preparing myself to have my sweet boy so soon. Much of this contributed to my emotional panic attack on the way to and during my last appointment. I was also under the impression that even if he stayed behind around the same amount, I would probably deliver him early so he could grow and thrive outside the womb. After all, I thought that's why they gave me the steroid shots. However, ever since then I feel like we've been on cruise control. 

So I brought it up to my favorite nurse during the NST we did today. I asked her why it seemed like this hurried frenzy 2 weeks ago, and now it seemed like we were coasting. She said that it would be like this all the way until the end of my pregnancy. She said ultimately, the best place for him to be, is still inside, even if his growth is restricted and slow. If he continues to grow, even a little bit, we will continue the pregnancy, regardless of him being in the <5th%. The remainder of the pregnancy will be watchful waiting. He will be monitored really well, with 2 BPP's a week. As long as he's passing those, has a decent amount of amniotic fluid and generally seems happy, we will just go with the flow until the due date nears. 

We will deliver early: if something dramatic happens with his growth that is cause for alarm, the flow through the cord decreases or flows back out (which can be dangerous), or if he continues to fail his BPP's and shows signs of distress. 

So prayers for us that Hawke will continue to grow (even if its just a little bit and he remains behind), and that he continues to feel happy and comfy while passing his BPP's!