Drawing by Mary Weller
I am also very excited to frame and hang these prints in Harlow's nursery to honor her sister:
"Hold her in your memory, find her in your dreams"
Friday, December 9, 2011
Sisters
I can't help but wonder how much Harlow is going to look like Lyla. We got a beautiful drawing of Lyla, minus the flaws from her condition, and she is absolutely breath-taking. It's going to be interesting to see how similar our daughters will be and if we'll be able to see Lyla in Harlow as she grows up here on earth with us while Lyla is in heaven.
Our heavenly daughter Lyla Giuliana
Drawing by Mary Weller
I am also very excited to frame and hang these prints in Harlow's nursery to honor her sister:
"Your beautiful sister will always be with you"
"Hold her in your memory, find her in your dreams"
Drawing by Mary Weller
I am also very excited to frame and hang these prints in Harlow's nursery to honor her sister:
"Hold her in your memory, find her in your dreams"
Harlow Adriana
We are so excited to announce the impending arrival of our sweet daughter and Lyla's little sister: Harlow Adriana
Harlow's Cousin Emily was so excited to rub my belly the whole trip :)
Gender Reveal Cupcakes
We decided to keep baby bunny's gender a secret for about a week before we told family and friends. We told Adam's family first by decorating pink and blue cupcakes. Each cupcake was filled with pink frosting to reveal the gender, but I made both pink and blue frosted cupcakes so each person could choose what they thought it was: blue for boy, and pink for girl. The majority of his family picked blue, thinking this little one was a boy, so many were so surprised to bite into the cupcakes to see pink on the inside!
The filling revealing it's a GIRL!
The gender cupcakes
A few days later we flew home to California for Thanksgiving with my family, where we did the same thing, just used blue and pink sprinkles for the topping. It was split about even with half thinking boy and half thinking girl. But everyone was excited to see the hot pink center!
Pink and Blue cupcakes
My nieces Emily and Taylor, and nephew Jacob, excited to find out what their baby cousin was going to be
The big reveal
So excited :)
A few days later we flew home to California for Thanksgiving with my family, where we did the same thing, just used blue and pink sprinkles for the topping. It was split about even with half thinking boy and half thinking girl. But everyone was excited to see the hot pink center!
Anatomy Scan
So I have been awful about updating this blog lately. It seemed I had so much to write about going through our journey with Lyla! So I will just start by updating about the following appointment from our last one.... our Anatomy Scan!
The morning had come for our Anatomy Scan and I could barely sleep the night before. I was both anxious and nervous, because this was a momentous occasion for us, but also just very happy and excited. I had started feeling baby move around 17 weeks. Really soft and light flutters, but I was definitely feeling it. I was really happy and excited to know that this little one was healthy and to find out whether bunny was a boy or a girl.
We got to our ultrasound and as I layed on the table I let the tech know what a big moment this was for us. At our last Anatomy Scan, we had found out the news of our sweet little girl and it was filled with a whole range of emotions. We had never experienced a happy anatomy scan before so we were navigating unfamiliar waters that day. She was the sweetest tech and was so understanding! I asked if she could talk to us a lot throughout to make us feel a little better and explain everything she was seeing. She gladly obliged and started to put the wand on our jumping bean. The tech laughed throughout a lot of the ultrasound because of how much bunny was moving around, which always puts a smile on my face! We kept hearing one positive thing after another: 2 kidneys, bladder, stomach, perfect brain and head, good nuchal fold in neck... the list goes on with positive praises of our healthy baby!! We both breathed a sigh of relief and happiness.
Then came time for the big reveal! She moved the wand a bit to get bunny to move its legs and there it was... "Well... I see 3 lines...It's a girl!" Ahh, I cannot explain how happy I was to know that Lyla was going to get a little sister! All along I felt like it was another girl and it was an amazing feeling to know that we were going to have another little girl. Adam grinned ear to ear and could not be happier to have another daughter!
18weeks 2days. A foot!
18weeks 2days. The most perfect hand I have ever seen!
18weeks 2days. It's a GIRL!!
The morning had come for our Anatomy Scan and I could barely sleep the night before. I was both anxious and nervous, because this was a momentous occasion for us, but also just very happy and excited. I had started feeling baby move around 17 weeks. Really soft and light flutters, but I was definitely feeling it. I was really happy and excited to know that this little one was healthy and to find out whether bunny was a boy or a girl.
We got to our ultrasound and as I layed on the table I let the tech know what a big moment this was for us. At our last Anatomy Scan, we had found out the news of our sweet little girl and it was filled with a whole range of emotions. We had never experienced a happy anatomy scan before so we were navigating unfamiliar waters that day. She was the sweetest tech and was so understanding! I asked if she could talk to us a lot throughout to make us feel a little better and explain everything she was seeing. She gladly obliged and started to put the wand on our jumping bean. The tech laughed throughout a lot of the ultrasound because of how much bunny was moving around, which always puts a smile on my face! We kept hearing one positive thing after another: 2 kidneys, bladder, stomach, perfect brain and head, good nuchal fold in neck... the list goes on with positive praises of our healthy baby!! We both breathed a sigh of relief and happiness.
Then came time for the big reveal! She moved the wand a bit to get bunny to move its legs and there it was... "Well... I see 3 lines...It's a girl!" Ahh, I cannot explain how happy I was to know that Lyla was going to get a little sister! All along I felt like it was another girl and it was an amazing feeling to know that we were going to have another little girl. Adam grinned ear to ear and could not be happier to have another daughter!
18weeks 2days. Her sweet body after dancing around and doing the worm :)
Friday, October 21, 2011
Scary Appointment
This past Monday, I had another Doctor's Appointment. I've been having one every 4 weeks and so far I had gotten an ultrasounds every time. One thing I have noticed this pregnancy, is that ultrasounds, are my only reassurance. I think it has something to do with the lack of ultrasounds we got with Lyla, prior to her diagnosis, and being shocked at the 20 week ultrasound. We were blind-sided. This pregnancy, I have been wanting frequent ultrasounds to monitor baby Bunny as it grows, so we aren't completely surprised if something looks off, like we were with Lyla.
On my way to this appointment, I was nervous, but mostly because I knew I wasn't getting an ultrasound this time. My Doctor informed me at my last appointment, that I wouldn't be getting one this time and despite my best efforts to explain to her how much ultrasounds would help calm me during this pregnancy, she said there were no 'grounds' to where she could file more ultrasounds with my insurance.
I headed into my appointment, still nervous, but feeling okay when my Doctor came in and asked how I was. I explained to her how anxious I had been and that I really wasn't doing too great... I was worrying about everything. I expected her to be comforting and understanding, and wanting to talk about my emotions... after all she was my Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist and was there through my pregnancy with Lyla. But instead she responded a flippant, "whyyyyyy??? You don't have to be nervoussssss, about whaaaat??" I really was not expecting that response. Suddenly I felt awkward. Like I shouldn't be feeling the way I wqs feeling, and anything I said to her from then one was just going to be an embarrassment to me. I was at a loss for words and just layed back while she prepared the gel and the doppler to listen for the heartbeat.
We were silent as she moved it around in a million different places and we listened intently to the whooshing sounds of a belly, but no heartbeat came up..... "Have you had any bleeding?" She asked casually. Umm, no I have not, and why are you asking like this is no big deal? I literally just told you how much of a nutcase I've been and you're casually asking me that as we're not finding a heartbeat? I could not believe it. I told her I had been having some cramping, but nothing outside of normal pregnancy pains and back pain that I wanted to talk to her about. We were silent a few more moments to listen, and then she decided to stop. Told me I was going to get an ultrasound after all, so we could make sure everything was fine, and then went into asking me if I've gotten a flu shot yet.
I was not ready to redirect my mind to talking about a flu shot. My doctor left, a nurse came in to give me the stupid flu shot and then told me I was free to check out. I had to remind her that my baby's heartbeat wasn't detected and I was suppose to get an ultrasound.
Frazzled at this point I get to go in and get my ultrasound. The minute the tech put the wand on my belly, we saw Bunny and it was moving around so much, just like last time. I was relieved to say the least. Heartbeat was 140bpm and I managed to get a few pictures too! I can't describe how much reassurance I get with the ultrasounds. Not only can I see that baby is alive and well, but growing and getting bigger (Lyla was very slow growing), and also to see how 'alive' my baby is by moving around so much (Lyla was always very still and mellow).
It was a pretty bad appointment: I got a scare with the doppler not detecting the heartbeat, my doctor seemed insensitive, and I never got to ask her my list of questions I had prepared because she took off after not hearing the heartbeat... but it was the best appointment because I got my ultrasound after all, and was able to see my baby, and really, that's all that matters. Jesus knows how worried I've been and I have been praying everyday for Him to take that burden away from me and grant me happiness and comfort this pregnancy. And boy has He ever. I truly feel like He let the doppler not work very well, just to give me my ultrasound He knew I very much desired. He is such a good Father!
14weeks 2days. You can totally see its nose and lips and chin :)
14weeks 2days. Bunny doing a back-bend while moving like crazy!
14weeks 2days. Little arm, hand and fingers!
On my way to this appointment, I was nervous, but mostly because I knew I wasn't getting an ultrasound this time. My Doctor informed me at my last appointment, that I wouldn't be getting one this time and despite my best efforts to explain to her how much ultrasounds would help calm me during this pregnancy, she said there were no 'grounds' to where she could file more ultrasounds with my insurance.
I headed into my appointment, still nervous, but feeling okay when my Doctor came in and asked how I was. I explained to her how anxious I had been and that I really wasn't doing too great... I was worrying about everything. I expected her to be comforting and understanding, and wanting to talk about my emotions... after all she was my Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist and was there through my pregnancy with Lyla. But instead she responded a flippant, "whyyyyyy??? You don't have to be nervoussssss, about whaaaat??" I really was not expecting that response. Suddenly I felt awkward. Like I shouldn't be feeling the way I wqs feeling, and anything I said to her from then one was just going to be an embarrassment to me. I was at a loss for words and just layed back while she prepared the gel and the doppler to listen for the heartbeat.
We were silent as she moved it around in a million different places and we listened intently to the whooshing sounds of a belly, but no heartbeat came up..... "Have you had any bleeding?" She asked casually. Umm, no I have not, and why are you asking like this is no big deal? I literally just told you how much of a nutcase I've been and you're casually asking me that as we're not finding a heartbeat? I could not believe it. I told her I had been having some cramping, but nothing outside of normal pregnancy pains and back pain that I wanted to talk to her about. We were silent a few more moments to listen, and then she decided to stop. Told me I was going to get an ultrasound after all, so we could make sure everything was fine, and then went into asking me if I've gotten a flu shot yet.
I was not ready to redirect my mind to talking about a flu shot. My doctor left, a nurse came in to give me the stupid flu shot and then told me I was free to check out. I had to remind her that my baby's heartbeat wasn't detected and I was suppose to get an ultrasound.
Frazzled at this point I get to go in and get my ultrasound. The minute the tech put the wand on my belly, we saw Bunny and it was moving around so much, just like last time. I was relieved to say the least. Heartbeat was 140bpm and I managed to get a few pictures too! I can't describe how much reassurance I get with the ultrasounds. Not only can I see that baby is alive and well, but growing and getting bigger (Lyla was very slow growing), and also to see how 'alive' my baby is by moving around so much (Lyla was always very still and mellow).
It was a pretty bad appointment: I got a scare with the doppler not detecting the heartbeat, my doctor seemed insensitive, and I never got to ask her my list of questions I had prepared because she took off after not hearing the heartbeat... but it was the best appointment because I got my ultrasound after all, and was able to see my baby, and really, that's all that matters. Jesus knows how worried I've been and I have been praying everyday for Him to take that burden away from me and grant me happiness and comfort this pregnancy. And boy has He ever. I truly feel like He let the doppler not work very well, just to give me my ultrasound He knew I very much desired. He is such a good Father!
14weeks 2days. You can totally see its nose and lips and chin :)
Finding a way to fully 'Enjoy'
This pregnancy has been both super joyful and exciting, but also has caused me a lot of anxiety that I normally don't have. Because I have 'been there', and know that a number of things can go wrong, it's been hard for me to truly let go and enjoy being pregnant. Some days I push this pregnancy to the back of my head and 'pretend I'm not pregnant'. Meaning, I just try to act normal, however that is at the time, and try not to think about anything pregnancy related that will freak me out. And other days I am in total baby mode: I start thinking about the nursery, boy and girl names, the idea of registering again and how that will feel after completing a registry with Lyla (in which the account stayed stagnant with nobody buying anything off of it, a constant reminder that we weren't going to bring her home).
As soon as I get excited and think about the future with this baby, it scares me into thinking I'm planning too much ahead of time. I have heard it is extremely difficult navigating another pregnancy after such a loss, and they weren't kidding. I am excited to register and plan for this baby. I had such an urge to nest with Lyla, but my hands were tied in doing so. I planned for her. I created an entire nursery and belongings to register her for. But none of it got bought. None of it got put together. And none of it was able to be brought into our home and labeled 'Hers'. I have pent up nesting energy that I cannot wait to be able to get out of me, and pour into Lyla's siblings arrival.
I am trying my best to push my anxiety away and give it to God. I need to start letting myself just enjoy this pregnancy, and not let the worry creep its way back into my thoughts. One of the many things Lyla had taught me, was how to enjoy and love fully in the moment and not waste any time. No matter what happens with my baby and baby's to come, whether its good or bad, I have the time I have with them, whether its just a few moments, or a lifetime, and I need to savor each of these moments I'm having with this little one, regardless of not knowing the future.
As soon as I get excited and think about the future with this baby, it scares me into thinking I'm planning too much ahead of time. I have heard it is extremely difficult navigating another pregnancy after such a loss, and they weren't kidding. I am excited to register and plan for this baby. I had such an urge to nest with Lyla, but my hands were tied in doing so. I planned for her. I created an entire nursery and belongings to register her for. But none of it got bought. None of it got put together. And none of it was able to be brought into our home and labeled 'Hers'. I have pent up nesting energy that I cannot wait to be able to get out of me, and pour into Lyla's siblings arrival.
I am trying my best to push my anxiety away and give it to God. I need to start letting myself just enjoy this pregnancy, and not let the worry creep its way back into my thoughts. One of the many things Lyla had taught me, was how to enjoy and love fully in the moment and not waste any time. No matter what happens with my baby and baby's to come, whether its good or bad, I have the time I have with them, whether its just a few moments, or a lifetime, and I need to savor each of these moments I'm having with this little one, regardless of not knowing the future.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Adam's Birthday
We celebrated Adam's birthday this past weekend! His work gave him Friday, his birthday, off from work which was a nice birthday surprise! He spent the day however, busy taking care of some truck business. We decided that we needed to trade or sell his truck and get a more gas efficient 'commuter' car for him to drive to work. So the majority of his birthday was spent running around doing all the necessary things to make the truck trade. That night however, we got to head down to Birmingham, where we used to live, to go to one of our favorite spots to eat: Village Tavern. It was fantastic like always and was nice to go back to Birmingham and have a good meal!
I want so bad to be a good cook and a good baker, so I dove in and attempted to make my very first homemade cheesecake, and I am so happy to say it turned out fabulous! I made a White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake and was so happy it was a hit and didn't ruin his birthday cake ;)
I want so bad to be a good cook and a good baker, so I dove in and attempted to make my very first homemade cheesecake, and I am so happy to say it turned out fabulous! I made a White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake and was so happy it was a hit and didn't ruin his birthday cake ;)
First Appointments
I have been so bad on updating the blog this time around, but I think its mostly because so much was going on with Lyla, I felt like I posted all the time. So far, this pregnancy has been pretty uneventful, which really, I am so thankful for. I went to my 1st prenatal appointment @ 6 weeks and was so nervous with the thought that there would be a sac and no baby, or it would be ectopic or any other 'bad' thing that could happen. Luckily my mind was put to ease when I got an ultrasound right away and they could detect its little heart flickering away.
4 weeks later, I had my 2nd prenatal appt at 10 weeks and was amazed at how much that little baby had grown. It looked liked a baby now! It is crazy to see how so much can change in just 4 weeks! The baby was moving around so much. The ultrasound tech commented that "whatever you ate this morning... baby loves!" I was laughing so hard because all I had eaten that morning was my prenatal vitamins and a nutri-grain bar with water! She thought it was so funny because baby was acting crazy and said "you have a wild one!" That was so good to hear.
Lyla always stayed in her little cozy spot and didn't move much, so to see this little one moving all around was a completely new thing for me to witness and it was an awesome moment to feel and be apart.
I can't wait for this little 'wild one' to be here!
6 weeks 3 days. First Ultrasound
10 weeks 2 days. 2nd ultrasound and waving :)
4 weeks later, I had my 2nd prenatal appt at 10 weeks and was amazed at how much that little baby had grown. It looked liked a baby now! It is crazy to see how so much can change in just 4 weeks! The baby was moving around so much. The ultrasound tech commented that "whatever you ate this morning... baby loves!" I was laughing so hard because all I had eaten that morning was my prenatal vitamins and a nutri-grain bar with water! She thought it was so funny because baby was acting crazy and said "you have a wild one!" That was so good to hear.
Lyla always stayed in her little cozy spot and didn't move much, so to see this little one moving all around was a completely new thing for me to witness and it was an awesome moment to feel and be apart.
I can't wait for this little 'wild one' to be here!
Monday, September 5, 2011
3 of us at Lyla's Memorial
We are so excited to say Lyla is going to be a big sister! We are just as surprised as I'm sure you all are. And we are so thankful for the opportunity to continue growing our family. Little did we know there were 3 of us at Lyla's memorial July 30th, 2011- her daddy, her mommy and her little sibling. We are looking forward to continuing this journey God has planned for us and are thankful everyday for our many blessings, especially for the gift of having Lyla as our daughter. We know she is so excited to be a big sister. Expected due date: April 14th, 2012.
Lyla's mommy, daddy and sibling, celebrating her life July 30th, 2011
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