Today, we had a BPP as well as a normal visit with a doctor.
The last few weeks, really since we first got the IUGR diagnosis, I had felt so conflicted and confused regarding the 'severity' of the situation. I felt like the first initial growth scan and diagnosis had me feeling like he'd be coming any day now, however in the appointments since then, everyone has seemed pretty calm and casual as they said 'see you next week' while I walked out the doors and back to my car. I felt like "which one is it... Is he coming right now or do I still have the rest of my pregnancy to go?"
So on my way to this appointment I didn't think too much about going into my appointment. Hawkins' movement had decreased the past day and a half, so I was anxious to check on him, but wasn't too nervous. I had started getting used to the whole 'watch and wait' mentality it seemed everyone was following.
I walked into my appointment and got the BPP test first. Now, these tests, have a time allotment of 30 minutes. If they exhibit all the things they're looking for within the first 5 minutes, the test is over and complete. However, if the baby isn't doing something, they have 30 minutes to do it and get a passing grade, otherwise it's marked as failed.
In the past, Hawkins has either passed right away, or he has failed in the department of not practicing breathing. In which case, we've done an NST to monitor his heart rate and make sure there were some good accelerations. He has always passed those, and we've been in the clear.
This appointment. Was different. The test began and I noticed how still Hawke was. Because he was so still, the tech measured his amniotic fluid first, which came in low. We watched and waited while I entertained Harlow and gave her some snacks. I let the tech know that his movement had decreased. She said, "yeah... I haven't seen him move at all yet." She tried to jiggle and push around on my belly to get him to respond. He didn't. She tried this, time and time again, as the 30 minutes wore on. Each time he just layed there- not moving and unresponsive. He also still hadn't taken a practice breath either. After about 20 minutes, she looked worried and said, "he better move soon because he hasn't done a single thing yet. I don't want to have to walk out there and tell them he scored a 2... They'd want to deliver him right now. He's very small and I would hate for him to have to be delivered now." I looked at the screen as the minutes wore on and saw his tiny little body and long legs, laying there in a folded frank breech position, just like his sister Lyla. It also didn't help that he wasn't moving at all but you saw his little heart, strong, beating away. Lyla was always just like that- folded in a frank breech position, strong beating heart, but perfectly still and unmoving.
I definitely was not expecting this at the appointment today. We continued to watch and wait. We were down to the last 3-4 minutes of the test and she tried to push around on my belly again with the wand to get him to respond. This time, he moved his torso a little bit, as well as his leg. Apparently, that small movement is enough to mark 'pass'. Now... In my book, there's a huge difference between an active baby whose wiggling all around, and one who is unresponsive for 25 minutes, then moves slightly after being jarred around for the 8th time. At the same time he moved, he took a practice breath.
I walked down the hall and into the exam room while I waited for the doctor. Once again, a new doctor came in, and said, "well, baby seems to look great, he got an 8 on his BPP". After those last 30 minutes, I would hardly say he 'looked great'. So I began to explain to her exactly how that test happened to go. What's difficult is that she sees a passing grade on a piece of paper... And doesn't know exactly how the ultrasound went or how that passing grade came to be. So I tried my best to explain to her what had happened and how that worried me and asked if it was cause for concern. Especially since Hawke had never acted like that before. Every time he has been super responsive (we got a 'kudos for Hawke' at his first BPP for being so responsive). This was extremely uncharacteristic of him and made me worry.
I guess to ease my mind, she hooked me up for an NST anyway, which of course showed his heart beating away fine. That didn't surprise me, he seemed great in the heart department. Given the 'passing score' of the BPP and the NST checking out fine, I was sent home from my appointment and told 'see you on Monday'.
Sometimes it's hard fighting for your mommy instincts and getting doctors to 'take a second look' or question something. For now, I'm home and keeping a close eye on him and his movements.
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