November- 1 year later

It's hard to describe how I have been feeling these past few months... who are we kidding, the past year. We  have sunk deeper into the month of November and 2 things are approaching  My dad's birthday tomorrow, and Thanksgiving.
I flash back to a year ago and feel sick to my stomach. A year ago, Adam and I boarded a plane headed west to spend Thanksgiving with my family. It would be the first Thanksgiving home as a married couple. I was 20 weeks pregnant, had just gotten great news from the Anatomy scan and had also found out we were expecting another little girl. We talked middle names on the plane there and anticipated my dads famous turkey and stuffing and revealing the gender.
I flash back to the moment we got in the car after arriving at SFO and my mom saying my dad still wasn't feeling good and had been in bed. I looked out the window at the city thinking my dad was sick with the flu.
I flash to the moment my dad couldn't get out of bed and we called 911 as an ambulance came. I feel sick.
I flash to watching my mom do my dads job and chop the fixings for the stuffing through tear filled eyes as she took a break from the hospital while awaiting my dad's brain scan... revealing he had a large mass of cancer in his lung. I feel sick and begin to pray.
I flash to suddenly pausing in the kitchen, pink frosting all over, running into the living room to gather around as my mom told us my dad had cancer lesions all over his brain. I feel sick.
I flash to Thanksgiving morning. It came and for the first time in my entire life, I woke up to a quiet, sad house with no turkey in the oven. That familiar scent that woke me up for 23 years, suddenly didn't exist. My dad was nowhere to be found. He wasn't waking me up at 5am to help him stuff the bird. He wasn't there. He was at the hospital. Diagnosed with Cancer. I feel sick. 
I flash to going through the motions with glazed eyes as family members arrived for the Thanksgiving party. Eventually the Turkey and everything else that goes along with Thanksgiving dinner was made. But the feast, was a blur. Zombies, we just wanted to get through the party and see my dad. Vacant stares were brought back alive when we thought someone was honestly about to put on a cup of coffee to drag the evening out longer. I feel sick. 
I flash to seeing my dad in his hospital gown standing in the doorway making friends with hospital staff as we arrived baring Thanksgiving dinner.
I flash to presenting him with his gender reveal cupcake to find out what we were having... and realizing he was right: He chose girl. 
I flash to his bright smile. Revealing what a strong man he was in the face of adversity.
November 23rd. The day our lives changed forever. And as my dad always said: November 23rd- when the whirlwind started. Although the whirlwind ended for my dad 3 months later, on February 20th, the day after my birthday. The whirlwind has continued for us left behind. The whirlwind has yet to stop. I still... feel sick.