Finding Rainbows

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Oh... to live in Birmingham

We are living in Gadsden now, which I have always been less than thrilled about. Many people from around here may not understand it, but growing up in the Bay Area and right outside of San Francisco, just moving to Birmingham, the biggest city in Alabama, is a culture shock and still feels so small. Thankfully, I have seemed to find my 'home' place in Alabama and it's in Birmingham. We lived in Birmingham right after we got married. Then moved to Trussville, an area right outside of Birmingham. As I've gotten to know the area and majority of the state, Birmingham and it's surrounding areas seem most like California. There are a few neighborhoods and shopping areas that have all of the normal places I'm used to: The Summit, resembles Broadway Plaza in downtown Walnut Creek or Fashion Island in Newport Beach. Even the architecture resembles California... which makes sense since I found out they contracted a Californian to draw up the plans! The Galleria mall is a mix between casual SunValley and SouthCoast Plaza. All the eateries are my normal favorite places, from Fleming's Steak House to Cheesecake Factory, PF Changs, CPK, and Panera to Chipotle. In a nutshell, Birmingham and it's surrounding areas make me feel comfortable and everything I need to do is just down the road.
Gadsden, is a little over an hour away from all these places. You can walk the carpeted mall here in a matter of 10 minutes and the only restaurants are your typical chains like Chilli's, Logan's and Red Lobster. One thing they do have in excess... fast food and Walmart.
This may sound like a lot of complaining, but I've been getting frustrated a lot lately because of this. I have had a lot of things on my mind since my dad's passing, so I'm already on edge, but this is one of those small annoyances that have turned into a big deal lately. It wasn't too bad when it was just me. I actually kind of enjoyed the drive down there and taking the whole day to do things down there. But with Harlow... it just seems so hard. Sometimes all I want to do is head out and get some lunch and run errands... at all the places in Birmingham... but I would like to be able to head out the door and be back in an hour if Harlow needed a nap.
Sometimes I just want to take Harlow in the stroller or sling and go for a walk. Given, that nowhere here has sidewalks and they're all small one or 2 lane roads, I have to pack us in the car and go somewhere... just to unload and take a walk around. Even then... we're limited on places to do that. To be honest, I've exhausted the same 3 shopping centers around here and sometimes all I want is the simplicity of being able to walk outside and go... or drive around town and be done with everything.
To be back in an environment where everything is at my finger tips.
I keep driving to Birmingham with Harlow, just to get out of here and be back to a place of normalcy, but it's beginning to get exhausting. Plain and simple, Harlow doesn't do too good with the over an hour drive. She can usually make it down there... but getting done with our errands, having not had a nap and realizing we still have to drive home, is a major downer and typically what puts Harlow over the edge. I want more than anything to move back to Birmingham, or at least be closer, and be able to cut the trip in half.
When I was pregnant, if was so difficult to go and get some baby stuff or PreggiePpops when I was horribley nauseous with morning sickness. There is not a single, baby store or maternity store in this entire town. I was reminded of this when Harlow was 5 days old and we were freshly home from the hospital. My milk was really starting to come in and nothing fit! I needed a nursing bra asap. I had no choice but to drive over an hour to get one. On one particularly hard day when Harlow was a week old and we were still trying to establish breastfeeding, she would not nurse off the right side. I needed some relief, so I had Adam call all around town to find a place who sells breast pumps.... literally nowhere. He had to leave for 3 hours to go down to Birmingham to pick one up. Mix moments like these with either pregnancy or post-partum hormones and you have a nightmare. I still get worked up when I think about how I felt.
The latest in these moments and what has caused me to write this unexpected post, is the fact that I have no friends here, and I am trying to find things to do with other moms and babies, as well as be apart of some support groups. Recently I tried to find a local La Leche League so I could get involved and attend meetings... although there are 13 around the state (more than I was expecting to see), the closest one to me: Birmingham. I couldn't believe it. Actually, I could believe it. It's hard to feel like I can't truly dive into my community and be apart of it because my natural community... is over an hour away.

Harlow 5 months

Time just seems to be flying by... Harlow is 5.5 months now. In 2 short weeks, a day after her daddy's birthday, she's going to be 6 months old!! Half of her first year will be gone and in that same amount of time between when she was born and now, she will be 1 year old. Now I understand what they mean when they say time flies when you have kids. The day's seem to go by faster as well and they all seem to run into each other.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Harlow's 4 month Photo Shoot

On our last evening in Nor*Cal my old cheerleading advisor, Jenete, came over to take some pictures of Harlow. It had been a long day, like everyday on our trip so far, and she had barely napped all day. When we got home, we put her down for a nap which only lasted an hour, and she, being an over-tired baby, woke up cranky just as I told Jenete it was time to come over. Although she was fussy for the majority of the shoot, Jenete, being the awesome photographer that she is, was able to capture quite a few great ones :)
Here are some pictures from Harlow's 4 month photo shoot!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

CA Trip- Covalt Ranch

Sunday was spent out at our old house... the Covalt Ranch. We walked around our almost empty house and felt a million feelings at once. Happiness thinking of all the wonderful times we had in this house. The feeling of being 'home' and feeling close to my dad.
And sadness. Overwhelming sadness. I walked around the house my dad built, knowing we would never be gathering as a family again in this home that my dad dreamed, and turned into a reality. Sadness, that my dad was gone and no longer with us. An ever present reminder that our home was broken. Sadness as memories came flooding back of the first time my parents moved into this house after it was completed and I got to come home to the house my dad built with his own two hands. Holiday parties- where the house was filled with the loud and boisterous voices of all the Covalt's as well as my Aunt Judy and cousin Heather whose voices and stories fit right in with us Covalt's :)
I remember my dad's friends always stopping by on their way out or back into town. I remember how many times Peter and JJ came over to shoot guns or their bows and talk hunting.
I remember the look on my dad's face as he stared out the picture window in their bedroom and the sun would rise as he soaked in the beauty and thanked God every morning that he got to wake up to such a sight. This house was my dad's dream... he chased it and made it happen .My eyes well with tears just remembering the look in his eyes as he looked through not just this bedroom window, but the window from his spot at the breakfast nook... the one in his office and trophy room where he would sit for hours 'billing' or 'getting work done', but the outdoors would always steal his attention; making work that could be done in an hour, take all day. It's heartbreaking to leave this house. To think of another family moving into this home and calling it theirs. It will never be theirs. It is ours. It is his. Forever.

While out at the property we also took advantage of all of us being together and we scattered some of my dad's ashes. We each took a turn scattering some of his ashes. It was hard thinking of my dad physically being there with us, and now, suddenly we were scattering some of his ashes. We chose to do it in the area the deer usually gathered. We spent many evenings waiting and watching for the deer. It seemed fitting to do it there.
Children have such an innocence about their approach to life and the way they perceive it. Somewhere along the way of life and growing up I feel like we lose our pure and simple way of looking at life and life's struggles. Sometimes things don't need to be analyzed or figured out. They don't need to be thought of or mulled over. They don't need to be repressed or ignored. Sometimes the most honest answer is right there in front of you and with just a few words... it can say it all. While we were scattering the ashes, Harlow, who had been such a quiet, patient baby while we were there, broke the silence and started to fuss and cry. No one was talking or making noise but Harlow. A few moments later my 5 year old nephew Jacob said something so raw and profoundly true. He said, "Harlow's crying because Grandpa Rocco was suppose to be her Grandpa." He was. He should be here. He was suppose to be here to be her grandpa. Those words state the honest truth.